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Irish Man: Aliens Claim World To End In 850 Years!

11 February 2016 @ 14:07

Damn!…why so long?

You see: these days I pray constantly for the SMOD to appear in the sky.

From The London Daily Mail, Corey Charlton reporting, we learn:

An Irish man claims cone-headed aliens who abducted him while walking home from the pub have informed him the world will end in 850 years when an asteroid ‘the size of Munster’ [BOB: Not Herman] hits Earth.

Gerry Battles, a retired carpenter from County Limerick [BOB: There once was an alien from Nantucket….], said the creatures had ‘beautiful ginormous eyes’ and spoke to him via telepathy [BOB: That’s soooo 1970’s – how advanced can these guys really be?].

I’ll say one thing for these aliens: they know how to pick their Battles.

More!…

The 61-year-old told The Limerick Post he was wandering home from the pub [BOB: Surprise, surprise] on December 26, 2001, when he saw a white surgical light [that] transported him onto a spaceship, the Irish Mirror reported [BOB: I saw White Surgical Light open for Flock Of Seagulls in the 1980’s].

Let that be a warning to you youngins: Guinness abuse can lead to brain damage – I know because I’m a victim [I used to drink Black & Tans because I’m, you know, White and raaaaacism is, therefore, heretowith, in my DNA].

Even more!…

Denying he has any history of mental illness [BOB: Of course not – he’s just acting like a normal Irishman, as far as I can see], Mr Battles claimed the alien told him an asteroid the size of Munster [BOB: Not the cheese] originating from the ’35th Quadrant’ would destroy Earth in 850 years’ time [BOB: SMOD!…SMOD! – wherefore art thou, SMOD!].

He said the alien told him: ‘We are four million light years more advanced than you are. We have been observing you for Millennia.

‘You must use the force. Be one with the force. Harness the force.’

Well…that’s exactly what Sanders and Rodham want to do, so I guess this proves my theory that Leftism is alien.

I wish Mr. Battles well in his future, er, battles with Reality, as do I with Hillaria and Bolshevik Bernie and all their supporters [Trump and some of his gang, as well].

6 Comments leave one →
  1. 11 February 2016 @ 16:51 16:51

    Well obviously this is the fault of climate change.

  2. 11 February 2016 @ 19:08 19:08

    “…while walking home from the pub.” Hmmmm….m’y-e-s…

  3. 12 February 2016 @ 16:13 16:13

    Quite possibly the pub had a movie called LOST BLACK EARTH playing on the big screen in the bar. I found it on youtube – rather, it found me. Damn that menu down the right hand side.
    I saw a name in the opening credits and laughed. My old boss from 30+ years ago had the same name! Well, guess what… It’s not another guy with the same name after all.
    He was a devout follower of a certain modern day ‘religious’ leader – think South Park, and someone not coming out of the closet. Judging by some of his character’s dialogue I’d say this was scripted by fellow believers. My old boss might even have written it himself, although he’s got no credits for that.
    If Mr Battles was unfortunate enough to combine LBE with a mild alcoholic excess he should be praised for being able to walk anywhere, let alone all the way home. Though it runs only 45 minutes the movie can turn the human brain inside out and twist it like Play-Do with its stupidity. I’ll shut up now. I’m starting to sound like a promoter.

  4. 12 February 2016 @ 22:35 22:35

    Reblogged this on That Mr. G Guy's Blog and commented:
    An Irishman walks by a bar…no, it could happen.

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