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How To Accurately Report The News

27 May 2014 @ 20:04

For all you aspiring reporters out there, the New York Post shows how to report the news accurately and fairly in this item from it’s Sunday edition:

ALERT (yawn):
Kimye weds

Two jackasses got married in Italy Saturday.

Sex-tape star Kim Kardashian, 33, wed egotist Kanye West, 36, in a wedding opulent enough for Florence’s Medici dynasty and tacky enough for reality TV.

They were betrothed at Florence’s 16th-century Fort di Belvedere castle. Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle.

The republic still stands.

I’d call that fair and balanced reporting — wouldn’t you?


Official Statement

I wish to state for the record, the CD, the DVD, and the flash drive that the Fort di Belvedere Castle, in which the farce known as The Kimye Wedding®©™ took place, is owned by a branch of my Family that we have not been in contact with since the engagement in 1501 between our Not-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandfather Count Luigi ‘No Stugots’ Galliano Anisette Belvedere and Lucretia Borgia was unceremoniously called-off after an incident involving the Count’s desire to consummate their marriage on a bed filled with pastafazoola.

My side of the family, represented at the time by Count Roberto Handsomo Belvedere, was appalled by Count Luigi’s conduct, broke-off relations with that side of the Family, pledged our undying [we hoped] loyalty to the Borgias [as seen on Showtime], and, as a reward, Count Roberto was allowed to give Lucretia his cannoli — several times, IYKWIMAITYD.

  1. David R. Graham permalink
    28 May 2014 @ 02:22 02:22


  2. 28 May 2014 @ 12:38 12:38

    Every family has its dark secrets.

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