Will Bob Return Today? by Hagbard Celine
The question on all of our minds today is whether or not Bob will finally return from his vacation, rested and ready to re-enter the fray and take on the dirty, smelly, unfunny Commie bastards.
While he hasn’t been returning my phone calls or
sexts, er, texts, just knowing the man, the legend, and the myth like I do, I think he will.
I mean, how many episodes of Pawn Stars and American Restoration and Counting Cars can one man — even of his immense fortitude — take? How many bourbons can he sip?
Have no fear! I think Bob will soon be here!….