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The Immigration Bill: What The Immediate Future Holds

23 June 2013 @ 00:51

Dan Collins, proprietor of a discount prophecy store in Vermont, offers his prediction as to what will happen in the days and hours before the Bill [whoever he is] comes to the floor of the Senate [well, it’s already dirty so I’m glad they’re not putting on the table of the Senate] for a vote:

On Monday, Harry Reid will push for cloture on the Senate’s monstrous delightful immigration bill, which I like to call the Nightmare Act Happy Dancing Leprechauns Act. The Corker-Hoeven amendment (aka, Milagro! amendment), with which the White House and its not-scheming minions had nothing to do, is, due to a minor printing error, scattered throughout the 1200-page document in text that only becomes legible when ultraviolet light is scattered upon the pages. All of the Senators voting on the thing will spend their weekends closely conning every provision, after the entire word-colossus was beautifully re-drafted in the dignified and precise language of the King James Bible by a team of several thousand ideologically neutral, non-Democrat-aligned hamsters over several hours yesterday afternoon, in an open session broadcast on C-SPAN 1 and hosted by Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, and their sweet newborn baby girl, El Norte. Meanwhile, the MSM will spend the entire weekend explaining and clarifying the elegant simplicities of this legislation, and its many safeguards against abuses, to American citizens glued to their televisions for the purposes of learning everything they can about it, as is their civic duty, even if it interferes with their weekend barbecues. On Monday morning, the bill will be tabled for an unprecedented 15 seconds in order for the reflective public to comment on it, and suggest changes, and only then will our hardworking public servants cast their votes.

How fortunate are we to have such above-board, straight-arrow, dedicated and selfless representation. Rest easy….

Time will, of course tell, but you and I both know Mr. Collins will be vin-Dan-cated.

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