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Rule 5 News Special Report: The Mammary Murder Plot

23 November 2012 @ 23:46

TCOTS News has not exclusively learned that a woman in Germany tried to kill her boyfriend using her large breasts as the murder weapon.

From Elite Daily, Paul ‘Chubby Chaser’ Hudson reporting, we learn [tips of the fedora to Chris ‘Grand Tetons’ Smith and Glenn ‘Major League Yabows’ Reynolds]:

Possibly a photo of Frau Hansen’s weapons.

A buxom woman has been accused of trying to kill her lawyer boyfriend… with her double-D breasts. Franziska Hansen, 33 from Germany is accused of ‘attempted manslaughter with a weapon’ after her boyfriend claimed she tried to smother him with her breasts and pretend it was a sex game of motorboat.

She denies the claim saying it was a sex game and he knew what it was all about.

Tim Schmidt told the German court that although they had had a difficult relationship, until then everything in the bedroom had been normal.

He said that with his last reserves of strength he had managed to extricate himself from the woman’s vice-like grip and fled naked to a neighbor and demanded he called the police.

While Nazi, er, German Police are saying that they are convinced that Fraulein Hansen is the only possible suspect in the attempted murder, TCOTS News has learned that secretly the Gestapo, er, German Police are looking for the following well-endowed women to bring in for questioning in connection with this case [caution: NSFF (Not Safe For Furhers)]…

If you know any of these Babes Of Interest, the authorities caution you to not approach them and let the professionals handle them.

Angelina Vallery…

London Andrews…

Lorna Morgan…

Tanya Song…

Bea Flora…

Ashley Sage Ellison…


September Carrino…

Leanne Crow…


Valory Irene…

Please click on the suspect picture above to see full-size.

Karla James…

Looks like the Krauts, er, Germans will have their hands full.

Stacy McCain is already living in fear:

IN A RELATED STORY, TCOTS News has learned:

From The Bangor Daily News, Stephen Betts reporting, we learn:

ROCKLAND, Maine — A 62-year-old Cushing man will spend five days in jail after pleading guilty Wednesday to assaulting his estranged wife.

Fred E. Thomas pleaded guilty to 180 days in jail with all but five days suspended and was placed on probation for a year for domestic violence assault and indecent conduct. A third charge of unlawful sexual contact was dismissed.

The incident occurred in July in Warren when his wife of 39 years, who was estranged from him, stayed at his place. He offered her $20 for sex, and when she refused he took out his penis and struck her with it, according to the prosecution’s version of events to which he pleaded guilty.

No comment.

  1. bunni1 permalink
    24 November 2012 @ 00:08 00:08

    Oh Boy, these people should just stick with conventional weapons. Those girls sure have WMD’s, ha ha. Have a fun weekend, BB!

    • 24 November 2012 @ 00:16 00:16

      It’s only a matter of time before the perp is busted.

  2. 24 November 2012 @ 01:55 01:55

    You’d think that a man would die with a smile that way.

  3. Libertarian Advocate permalink
    24 November 2012 @ 08:29 08:29

    Errr,,, Must say, this is the most unexpected Rule 5 Post I’ve ever seen.

  4. M. Thompson permalink
    24 November 2012 @ 11:30 11:30

    Marshmallow hell (or heaven) takes on an entirely new meaning with these women.

  5. formwiz permalink
    24 November 2012 @ 17:09 17:09

    Hey, why did you think the Krauts couldn’t stop our guy at Salerno or Omaha Beach?

    Gives “On to Berlin” a whole new meaning.

    You have covered yourself with glory, sir.

    PS Of course, there are some of us that don’t need pillows at night, either.

  6. ohengineer permalink
    25 November 2012 @ 03:27 03:27

    Those do look awfully deadly. To an Attorney. Prolly a libtard too. So the question must be asked, does boob control mean hitting your target? Or, does it mean a two hand grip with the Weaver stance?


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