Skip to content

Dear Roxeanne: Love Me, Don’t Love My Dog

16 November 2012 @ 15:50

Problematically for Bob, he forgot to turn off my access to The Camp of the Saints, and I just couldn’t resist posting a few Dear Roxeanne columns, so his nice blog is being cluttered up with commentary from today’s inanity from Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Richard,” and I are a mature couple who have been seeing each other for three years. I love him. My dog is the issue.

“Princess” is a 2-year-old rat terrier/mini-pinscher mix.

So you got this pet a year after you had been dating the awesome Richard.  Interesting.

She weighs 9 pounds and is spoiled. (I admit I’m a softy when it comes to discipline.) She barks at anyone and anything she sees. Her barks are shrill and can be annoying. But I live alone and feel she is protecting me.

Yes, nothing strikes fear into a burglar/rapist/murderer’s heart like nine pounds of canine terror.   Forget the Second Amendment; keep and bear a canine with a heart of steel and a physique that is slightly more intimidating than that of your average dust mite.

Richard can no longer tolerate Princess’ barking and has curbed his visits considerably.

How, precisely, are you more safe with less male protection?

Except for this issue, he is my dream guy, and I feel lucky to have found him. I was married for more than 20 years to a controlling man, and I had to defer or compromise on everything.

He’s not asking you to compromise on everything; he’s asking you to train your annoying dog.

I will not compromise on this. I feel Richard should understand my attachment to Princess, especially when he’s not around. I miss him. Our dates are now only occasional. He thinks I prefer the dog over him, and that’s not the case.

Obviously, you do prefer the dog, or else you would have trained her or given her to another family.

Am I being selfish?

Yes, that and unreasonable, flaky, and the toy-dog version of the perpetually unmarried crazy cat lady.

Why can’t I have them both?

Because no man worth having puts up with shrill bitches, in human or any other form.

Is there a future for us, or have we reached an impasse? — WON’T GIVE UP THE PUP, LAFAYETTE, LA.

Dear Pup: No sane man is going to put up with a “mature” woman who refuses to train her dog on the grounds that she shouldn’t have to “compromise”.  No man with an ounce of sense is going to want to be tethered to a woman who thinks that her tiny dog is a source of protection.

Train your dog or say good-bye to Mr. Perfect, who certainly can find a woman who will let home be a sanctuary, not a place for his eardrums to be assaulted.  Be that woman or let someone else be that woman.

  1. 16 November 2012 @ 19:24 19:24

    While sex is high on the list, what a man needs most of all is peace. Few men get the peace they desperately need.

  2. 16 November 2012 @ 19:50 19:50

    As the old country song goes, Roxe:
    The key’s in the mailbox
    Come on in…

  3. 16 November 2012 @ 20:08 20:08

    Considering they’re a ‘mature’ couple [is the lady really, in anything but age?], the man probably has reached an age where silence is valued. Hell, I’m almost fifty-one, a former musician who still loves loud music, but I find I crave more and more that lovely lack of sound known as ‘quiet’.

  4. 16 November 2012 @ 20:56 20:56

    Buh-bye doggie and take the bitch with ya

  5. Owen permalink
    17 November 2012 @ 14:58 14:58

    It should be noted that it’s not actually good for the dog’s happiness to be untrained like this either. A dog that barks at everyone does so because it spends much of its life in fear, and spoiling the dog doesn’t fix that problem, it encourages that neurotic and unhappy behavior. This woman isn’t digging her heels in to protect the dog, she’s doing it because she’s lazy and selfish, and doesn’t really care about her boyfriend OR her dog.

  6. 17 November 2012 @ 15:11 15:11

    A 9 pound dog is useless for protection as anything but a noisemaker. A small child could stomp it to death. My cat could easily own it’s ass in a fight!

  7. Taco Time permalink
    17 November 2012 @ 15:15 15:15

    The focus on her buying a dog for protection is misguided.
    People have a dog for lots of reasons, but companionship is #1.

    She probably will be seeing a lot more dog and a lot less boyfriend, but it appears to be her choice.

  8. 17 November 2012 @ 15:22 15:22

    Honestly, not training your dog is not being nice

    Dogs prefer order. Someone must be in charge, they are fine with you being this (you bring food, you are kind, you are bigger than them)

    The problem arises when the dog, calculating that you do not want to be alpha, decides it will be – someone HAS to be. In this case, the dog has elevated itself to alpha. Along comes a rival (Richard) who presents a serious challenge

    Also keep in mind why dogs bark. They can hear what you cannot. Dogs mostly communicate with other dogs by whines outside human hearing – you are their partially deaf friend who they have to really speak up to. They bark to warn of intruders. If you are nervous all the time, they are too! You are bigger and stronger than them and, if you are scared, it must be really bad!

    The lady doesn’t seem to understand that she is stressing out her friends (guy and dog). If she does not want to lead, then let the guy. He can establish dominance with the dog and, after a period of adjustment, the dog will accept him as alpha

  9. Mr. Orange permalink
    17 November 2012 @ 15:31 15:31

    Dear Pup,

    I also live in Lafayette. So I know, as well as you do, that anyone who breaks into your place is probably going to be a high school non-graduate with a fleur-de-lis tattoo and a crippling meth habit. He will eat that dog, probably literally.

    Louisiana gun laws could charitably be described as ‘accommodating’. Lots of us have them. Go pick one up; it takes about an hour.

    Lafayette is a college town. Piss this guy off enough and he’ll head to Jefferson Street (the bar area) on a Friday night and bring home Bubbles the Communications Major.

    • Roxeanne de Luca permalink
      18 November 2012 @ 13:10 13:10

      Lafayette is a college town. Piss this guy off enough and he’ll head to Jefferson Street (the bar area) on a Friday night and bring home Bubbles the Communications Major.

      Which will bring on a new round of angst: “My boyfriend of three years left me for a woman half my age! Why don’t men want strong, mature women?!”

  10. 17 November 2012 @ 16:59 16:59

    I’m a rat terrier owner myself and my dog and I are pretty inseparable (fortunately my wife loves her as much as I do).
    That said, this dog sounds like it is neurotic from lack of exercise and challenge and both dog and owner would benefit from dog training. Too many dog owners make the mistake of projecting their own needs onto a dog.
    And do not underestimate the defense capabilities of rat terriers or their British version (the JRT). One JRT in New Zealand named “George” gave its life protecting its family from simultaneous attacks by TWO pitbulls

  11. Gordon permalink
    17 November 2012 @ 17:03 17:03

    Abby should order Dude to just suck it up and tolerate the yappy dog. Any man worth his salt knows that the importance of his happiness is nothing compared to the convenience of some lazy, narcissistic Princess.

  12. Paul C permalink
    17 November 2012 @ 17:59 17:59

    Nothing says love like being weighed equal, maybe a little…a lot less against an animal. Say, a cat..or a rat..or a water buffalo…whatever…all animals…er…men are equal.
    Good luck with that.,
    I’d tell the guy to move on. There are plenty of single moms 20 years, more, younger that would be happyish to have you. Leave the old biddy and her yappy dog to surf CVS for discount dog food.

    • richard40 permalink
      18 November 2012 @ 17:57 17:57

      The only problem with the single mom theory is her kids may be just as undisciplined as the dog. But I agree that if the kids were raised well, and are respectful, the single mom would be much preferable to the neurotic with the barking dog. You might end up being a meal ticket, but if both her and the kids value and respect you for it, that is OK. As someone else said, men want sex and companionship, but even more they want peace and tranquility.

    • Roxeanne de Luca permalink
      19 November 2012 @ 10:23 10:23

      Or he could find a nice lady, never married, in her late thirties/early forties. Peace, quiet, tranquillity, no barky dog, and perhaps children (if he wants them this late in life).

  13. dragonbelly permalink
    17 November 2012 @ 18:18 18:18

    I didn’t know my sister -in- law was dating again…

  14. JakeTobias permalink
    18 November 2012 @ 02:12 02:12

    Had a dog growing up. Loved it always. But never got one once on my own. When asked why, I said, because dogs bark too much. Then a nephew got a dog that barked all the time. He trained it not to bark. Plus, to stay in the yard, and come at once when called. He has left the dog with me a few times, and it was a pleasure. It had occurred to me as a child, any animal could be trained, but when that was suggested, was told it would cost too much, or would not work. This only confirms to me once again, families are more annoying than an untrained dog.

    • Buck permalink
      18 November 2012 @ 11:59 11:59


  15. 18 November 2012 @ 03:48 03:48

    This woman is asking if she’s being selfish. What a dumb question. It’s quite obvious she wants her cake and eat it too. She wants to keep Richard, but don’t want to do anything about Princess. SMH!

  16. A. Nonamous permalink
    18 November 2012 @ 04:03 04:03

    Roxeanne de Luca: “Yes, nothing strikes fear into a burglar/rapist/murderer’s heart like nine pounds of canine terror.”****

    Well, as a professional burglar myself, let me tell you that all things being equal, a yappy dog, regardless of size, is the last thing I want to deal with whilst on the job, as it were.

    • richard40 permalink
      18 November 2012 @ 18:00 18:00

      The only problem with that is if the dog is so undiscliplined that it yaps all the time, then when it starts yapping at a real burglar, the neighbors will have already been trained to ignore it. But if you have a dog that is normally quite, and then starts yapping at a real threat, that is worth something.

  17. Achillea permalink
    18 November 2012 @ 10:33 10:33

    Good lord, she even named the thing ‘Princess?’

  18. Starless permalink
    18 November 2012 @ 10:52 10:52

    An angry, yappy little rat dog puts the “aggressive” in the passive-aggressive “mature” divorcee. Who wants to bet her ex-husband wasn’t the controlling one in their marriage?

  19. Buck permalink
    18 November 2012 @ 12:08 12:08

    He might as well move on. Been in that type of relationship 3 times before and it sucks. The problems not the dog. Bet she’ll have other issues too.

  20. Roxeanne de Luca permalink
    18 November 2012 @ 13:07 13:07


    I would have guessed that Princess the Untrained Yap-Machine would be a deal-breaker for men, and a woman who wants a man would have to train the dog or at least put her boyfriend/fiance/husband first, but… wow. Didn’t know y’all felt quite so strongly. 😉

    • Mike F. permalink
      19 November 2012 @ 13:22 13:22

      I’m surprised none of the ladies chimed in with, “Honey, if you can’t train your dog to behave, how on earth are you going to train your man to behave?”

    • Starless permalink
      19 November 2012 @ 19:47 19:47

      It’s not always an automatic deal-breaker, sometimes it’s the cause of a slow-motion implosion which leads to saying things you can never take back.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: