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Offend A Feminist: Jayne Mansfield Knew Her Place

11 May 2012 @ 23:59

Stacy McCain’s National Offend A Feminist Week rolls on…

Indeed, Miss Mansfield did know and understand the proper role she should be playing away from the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.

After diligent searching through the scarier corners of my mind, I discovered an illustrated pamphlet that she helped prepare as a learning tool to be used by young women to instruct them on the way to take care of their hard-working men over the course of a typical day.  This manual was in tough shape when I found it in a hermetically-sealed mason jar on Funk & Wagnells porch [if you get that reference, you’re old], but, through painstaking effort, I have restored it and converted it into HTML format, paying very special and close attention to the pictures included.

Herewith, a brief primer from Miss Jayne Mansfield on…

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR MAN

It is very important girls that you awaken before your man does.  And you must give yourself plenty of time to shower, shave if necessary, and put on just enough make-up so you’re presentable to your man.  Make sure you have his orange juice ready for him when he gets up, so that he can enjoy a nice, refreshing libation to start off his day, and be waiting to hand it to him, along with his robe, as he gets out of bed…

Notice that I’m going to greet my man in a very simple outfit that is very ‘Girl-Next-Door’-ish — men like that and they find women in flannel sexy.  But, remember, do put on some make-up, as there is nothing worse than having your man see you without it.

As he washes-up, start making him his favorite breakfast and whistle a happy tune to help him ease into his day…

Don’t reserve this for special days, do it every day, so your man knows just how special he really is and how much you appreciate that he’s taking such good care of you.

After breakfast, when your man is putting on his suit and making the final preparations to head off to work to earn the money to take care of you, change into something nice that reveals your ‘assets’ (you know what I mean, girls!), so that you can send your man off with a pleasant image of you in his mind…

This will help him for he works very hard and bears ‘the weight of the world on his shoulders’ as he does all that stuff that keeps the world safe for Democracy.

As you’re doing all the housework, take a break every once in a while, sit down, and relax by thinking about your man and how wonderful he is…

This will make sure you appreciate (1) all that he does for you and (2) how miserable you would be if you didn’t have a man like him.

Once a day, call your man at work and remind him how much you love him and appreciate him and how just gosh darn wonderful he is…

Tell him how much you miss him and, occasionally, how much you would be lost without him.  You’ll brighten his day and you’ll feel more fulfilled inside (anything you can do to please your man will help you appreciate just how much of a wonderful life you’re leading thanks to his taking care of you!!!).

When it’s time for your man to come home, freshen-up (especially, the make-up!) and change into something that will please him so that he can unwind from the hard day he’s had.  Mix up a batch of Martinis and wait for him with them in the bedroom, and keep an eye out for the sound of him coming home so you can be ready to greet him properly…

If he calls and tells you he will have to work late, stay in the bedroom and wait for him (keep the dinner you prepared for him — always make his favorite dishes! — warm, but not overcooked and put the Martinis in the fridge).

After a little while, call him and tell your man how much you really love him, how lonely and sad you are without him, and what you’re wearing (or not wearing!!!)…

This will uplift his spirits as he works hard.  Remember: none of this is about you — it’s all about your man.

If, while you’re waiting for him to come home, you fall asleep, make sure you fall asleep in a sexy and cute position so that, if he walks-in while you’re sleeping, he’ll be greeted with a pleasant image…

You might even want to be found lovingly clutching a picture of him to your breasts! 

When he wakes you, remember to look lovingly right at him and give him a smile that tells him both how glad you are to see him and how much you want to be with him, how much you ache for his strong arms around you…

Do all of this, ladies, and you will be truly worthy of your man!

What a wonderful gal she was — and how caring and smart!

Now, I think it appropriate to reward the gentlemen who have read this far with a few more pictures of Miss Mansfield [ladies, look closely at this pics: you’ll learn a thing or too about how to properly dress for your man]…

31 Comments
  1. 12 May 2012 @ 02:00 02:00

    Love those polka dot capris!! Where can I get a pair??

    • 12 May 2012 @ 13:35 13:35

      There are so many retro store in the Internet, I’m sure you could find them somewhere in The Ether.

  2. Shannon Wolf permalink
    12 May 2012 @ 09:12 09:12

    “And you must give yourself plenty of time to shower, shave if necessary, and put on just enough make-up so you’re presentable to your man.”

    You made my day, and this is just a gift for our better halves during the course of a normal day. I can’t wait for for the next installment of advice and guidance for the wonderful ladies in our lives. You Rock!

    Shannon

    • 12 May 2012 @ 13:34 13:34

      Thank you.

      I’ll be republishing my most famous NOAFW post in an hour or two on ‘Should You Spank Your Wife?’

  3. formwiz permalink
    12 May 2012 @ 11:21 11:21

    You had to be there. Those really were the Good Old Days.

    I must say, though, it was conventional wisdom back then (and I remember it well) that, not only was Jayne more endowed than even Marilyn, but more than almost anyone else.

    That last pic makes me wonder.

    • 12 May 2012 @ 13:39 13:39

      Certainly the bras she wore gave that impression and the fact that she had wider breasts. So many people, I think, had not seen the nude pics of her when they made that kind of statement. I certainly did.

    • theo9geo permalink
      16 May 2012 @ 02:23 02:23

      It has always seemed to me that both Marilyn and Jayne had smallish breasts and that Jayne, in particular, got her “bra size” and reputation primarily from an unusually distended rib cage rather than from actually large breasts, and also from a willingness to drop her neckline well below then-standard standards. Neither of them is stacked, as I’ve seen it. Yet, both of them, and especially Marilyn, had other qualities that made them hyper-attractive. Ditto Lollobrigida. Loren and Ekberg, OTH, are stacked, especially Eckberg, who has not aged gracefully. Cardinale also is stacked but less so. Ann-Margret … well …

  4. 12 May 2012 @ 14:59 14:59

    I might be stating the bleedin’ obvious, but somebody should point out that the chances are almost nil that that copy was written by Jayne Mansfield, or that it was meant to be taken too seriously. That’s a bit on the male-fantasy side even for *that* era.

  5. 12 May 2012 @ 15:54 15:54

    MAN is she hot- or was, anyway

    Love the funky pants!

    Linked here-

    You Need to Check-Out Miss Peru, Son:
    The Name is Natalie Vertiz~

  6. rkae permalink
    12 May 2012 @ 18:42 18:42

    What? No pictures of her with her buddy Anton LaVey?

    http://redroom.com/member/burton-wolfe/media/images/anton-szandor-lavey-conducting-a-private-ritual-for-actress-jayne-0

    That woman was sick. Best to forget all about her.

  7. theebl permalink
    15 May 2012 @ 16:54 16:54

    http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/2012/05/post-for-titus.html You might like this one Bob.

    • 15 May 2012 @ 19:22 19:22

      I did, I did.

      • 02 June 2012 @ 17:35 17:35

        I was going to email that to you if EBL hadn’t made her post. I sent that to a former shipmate who married an Italian girl while the ship was home ported in Naples, Italy, and she got a very good laugh from it.

  8. 15 May 2012 @ 18:43 18:43

    What a beautiful lady. Thanks for sharing her with us in a tasteful way that even us ladies can appreciate.

    • 15 May 2012 @ 19:23 19:23

      You’re quite welcome. Now, be a good girl and get me a drink.

    • theo9geo permalink
      16 May 2012 @ 01:44 01:44

      Nice handle. Franciscan. Years ago the Anglican Order of St. Francis ran an ad for membership boosting (!!!) saying, “Want to be a nobody?”

      • 16 May 2012 @ 13:04 13:04

        Fransiscan, LOL thats a new one for me. An astute description. Most folks just chastise me for not valuing my opinion enough. But I did choose it in a “do-all-things-with-humility” way, and to say, you don’t have to be an expert or someone spechul to see what’s really going down, or something like that.

        • theo9geo permalink
          16 May 2012 @ 21:53 21:53

          Understand/concur completely.

  9. Poole permalink
    10 June 2012 @ 09:45 09:45

    Long ago, I saw an old Jack Benny TV episode that had Jayne Mansfield on it. IIRC, She played the violin well and very aggressively. She was really playing because the horsehair in her bow was breaking during her performance.

    I also remember that she was highly intelligent – very high IQ. This led me to believe that its takes a very smart woman to play a dumb blonde and remain entertaining for any length of time.

  10. 10 May 2013 @ 07:18 07:18

    Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday.
    It will always be exciting to read through articles from other authors and practice
    something from their websites.

  11. Anonymous permalink
    31 August 2014 @ 23:16 23:16

    Why don’t you old farts whip out your cocks, take a photos of them and post then on instagram, and the rest of us will compare them and make fun of them and humiliate you for sport. Wouldn’t that be fun? Assholes.

  12. 26 September 2014 @ 07:56 07:56

    Its not my first time to go to see this website, i am browsing this site dailly and obtain nice facts from here daily.

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