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BREAKING FAKE NEWS: Republican Party To Change It’s Name!

07 December 2011 @ 11:12

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Did your parents have any children that lived?

The head of the Republican Party, Bozo The Clown, announced this morning that henceforth his Party would go by the name ‘The Sad Bunch Of Pathetic Losers Party’.

In his statement to the press, Chair Clown stated:

It is imperative that the American people know exactly who we are, what we stand for, what we sit for, and what exactly is the nature of this Party. Therefore, we have decided to change our name to one that reflects all of those characteristics and qualities.

We believe that, going forward, our fellow Americans will better understand us and will then join us in our fight to get back into power so we can manage America’s triumphant descent towards Perdition, unlike our Democrat opponents who are much too messy and have a tendency to break the wine glasses.

The announcement comes on the heels of this news from yesterday, Yahoo News reporting [the Memeorandum thread is here]:

Republicans on a private Republican National Committee conference call with allies warned Tuesday that party surrogates should refrain from personal attacks against President Barack Obama, because such a strategy is too hazardous for the GOP.

"We’re hesitant to jump on board with heavy attacks" personally against President Obama, Nicholas Thompson, the vice president of polling firm the Tarrance Group, said on the call. "There’s a lot of people who feel sorry for him."

Recent polling data indicates that while the president suffers from significantly low job approval ratings, voters still give "high approval" to Obama personally, Thompson said.

Voters "don’t think he’s an evil man who’s out to change the United States" for the worse–even though many of the same survey respondents agree that his policies have harmed the country, Thompson said. The upshot, Thompson stressed, is that Republicans should "exercise some caution" when talking about the president personally.

Conservative columnist Michael Walsh, who obviously needs to get with the program, commented:

Gee, if Obama’s personal-approval numbers are still high, why would you want to take them down? Let them stay there, lest the Democrat-Media Complex accuse you of being a blue meanie.

Remember, GOP: principles, not policies. Principles, not policies. Principles, not policies.

It’s not Obama’s policies that are the problem, it’s Obama and everything he represents and stands for. Engage the president on the deepest, most potent level, or join John McCain and Bob Dole on the ash heap of history.

Really, this party is too dumb to live.

Time for OPERATION: WHIG perhaps?

3 Comments
  1. Adobe Walls permalink
    07 December 2011 @ 14:22 14:22

    A decade past time for operation Whig I’m afraid. Better late than never I suppose tho perhaps too late, in part the problem is that the GOP always put principals before principles and principled policies.

  2. M. Thompson permalink
    07 December 2011 @ 23:58 23:58

    Calling the RNC clowns is a disservice to any professional clown.

    It’s nearly as bad as calling a prostitute a politician. She’s at least a semi-honest business woman!

    • thecampofthesaints permalink
      08 December 2011 @ 07:25 07:25

      Good points. I apologize to the clowns and hookers.

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