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Fisking In The Limelight, The Universal Dream

31 October 2011 @ 11:42

We have a first in Fisking! Admiral Smitty, Conqueror of the Taliban Navy, Sidekick Extraordinaire, Swabby Di Tutti Swabby, has taken on a Herculean task that few men have dared to attempt, let alone contemplate when sober. This Master Of The Royal Wit has Fisked an entire swath of the American people, in the process, showcasing for all to see how very silly this Camelot we call The United States has become. Gone are the days when Congressman John Quincy Adams would filibuster the House trying to restore to the people the right to petition the Congress with anti-slavery proposals. No, as we see by the kinds of petitions being submitted at The White House’s We The People site, the frivolous has trumped the serious, the superficial has vanquished the solemn.

But such all-encompassing madness has not deterred our intrepid, bluejacketed striker ― no, no! Smitty has fearlessly navigated a coarse onto the most dangerous of seas without a moment’s hesitation.

A few highlights:

Petition: formally acknowledge an extraterrestrial presence engaging the human race – Disclosure.

Smitty: Must. Not. Make. Kucinich. Joke.

And…

Petition: Allow Industrial Hemp to be Grown in the U.S. Once Again

Smitty: Sure, capitalism. But is that what this is really about?

Finally…

Petition: Fund the fight against White-nose Syndrome in the President’s Fiscal Year 2013 budget.

Smitty: While this could really be a legitimate federal task, the President hasn’t really shown a grasp of much beyond a golf club.

Please do take the time to click here and watch a very brave man in action.

I will be filing my own petition: Resolved that the people who file ridiculous petitions should be tarred, feathered, and made to watch Firing Line reruns for a minimum of five years.

One Quibble: One of the petitions reads, ‘Regulate cigarettes and alcohol in a similar manner to marijuana since they are more dangerous to your health’. Smitty’s response:

Ah, the old “If I can’t have mine, you can’t have yours” argument. Ha ha! I’ll forego cigars until I die, if you prefer; they’re unimportant.

No, sir, with all due respect, cigars are very important to the mental health of many a man [especially if they're married]. If I didn’t know better I would accuse you of being a Nicotinist!

2 Comments
  1. Adobe Walls permalink
    31 October 2011 @ 14:46 14:46

    I don’t know how Smitty waded through all that, a better man than I.

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      31 October 2011 @ 16:35 16:35

      I could not have done it without being havily medicated.

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