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Signs Of The Obamapocalypse

25 August 2011 @ 14:49

First it was an earthquake that was felt from Georgia to Maine and centered outside of Washington…

Currently Hurricane Irene is barreling up the East Coast and is expected to cause flooding in DC…

Now comes word from NASA that sea levels are falling!

From Don Surber, we learn:

…A graphic from NASA shows sea levels have dropped 6 mm in the last 6 months, wiping out the rise over the past 2 years. Whoops!

Three seals of The Seven Seals Of The Obamapocalypse have been opened and you may wonder what to expect next.

Many of you may not know it, but TCOTS very own Pope Voluptuosus I is a scholar of The Book Of Revelation Of Saint Ronald The Raygun and he has kindly consented to provide us with a quick primer on what to expect as The Obamapocalypse continues it’s inevitable roll-out.

From His Sexiness Pope Voluptuosus I, Bishop of Moan, Pontifex Vigorous, Biggus Dickus, Vicar Of Rachel Weisz, Servant Of The Servants Of Rule 5…

Hello, my children. It’s great to be here in The Ether. I kiss the bytes you publish your posts on. Dominate Nabisco. Enough of this michegas; let’s get it on…

As Bob explained, the first Three Seals of The Obamapocalypse have been opened and, boy, are my arms tired ― I kid, of course. Anyway…

I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days when I could not find a friend…sorry.

We’ve seen an earthquake, a hurricane, and now we find out through the fine folks at NASA that the level of the seas is falling as part of the natural cycles of Nature, not because of anything man did. Now, 6mm may not seem like a lot and, in fact, it isn’t, so once again, our Anti-President has failed to deliver on a promise.

You may be saying to yourself: ‘Self…I thought Obama was different, that he wasn’t like all the other politicians, but I must face the reality that he is just another schmo’, but what yourself fails to grasp is that this guy has broken so many promises and lied so often that Karma has kicked-in, major time.

The stack of sharia this guy has built is so high, the cosmic forces of the Universe just have to respond. Which is why we are now in the midst of The End Of O Days [dah-dah-dum!]. Truth, justice, and The American Way may be flaunted at will, but Instant Karma’s gonna get you, gonna knock you off your feet, eventually.

This explains the opening of three of the seals of The Seven Seals Of The Obamapocalypse in as many days.

What to expect next?

Here are short descriptions of the remaining four seals which have been kept in a mason jar on Funk & Wagnalls porch all these millennia and which only I, I your Pope, your backdoor man, and the little girls understand…

SEAL #4: Joe Biden will stick his foot in his mouth, but this time he will not be able to extract it [‘And the aged putz, who had sprouteth horns of hair on his forehead, will speaketh to the gathering of Rotarians on the plains of Aig and place again his shod foot in his mouth, and it shall cleave to his tongue, and none shall be able to remove it, even by tickling the old Phartisee’ Rev. 6:12-13].

SEAL #5: David Brooks will admit that he’s been wrong about everything, especially during the last four years [‘Out of the feverish swamp, the creased douche nozzle will rise and cry out in agony “I have been thus a fool and my head is like a dick and my face is likewise too; I saweth the crease and left my senses on the kitchen table next to the arugula; I smothered the buttocks of the Anointed One and saw not that he was a real ass”; and he was cast into the pits of Hell, damned to wipeth the asses of all the damned for Eternity’ Rev 6:34-22].

SEAL #6: Murray The Seal, lead seal of Ringling Brothers / Barnum And Bailey Circus [‘He shall eateh the fish, that are as numerous as the sands in the hour glass; so are the days of our lives’ Rev 6:353].

SEAL #7: The End Of O Days [‘And on the first third day of the eleventh month of the year of the best Rush album minus one hundred, I saw a lady with shining eyes, wearing the highest of black heels, riding a moose on the Plains of The Potomac, dressed in a white dress [by Vera of Wang] and she forced the Anti-President to bend over backwards and kisseth his arse goodbye and she cast him into the lecture circuit of Hell’ Rev. 6:1283573.984]

We know notteth wheneth theyeth will cometh, but cometh theyeth willeth sooneth.

Here endeth the lesson…….now, how about a drink, young lady?

12 Comments
  1. loopyloo305 permalink
    25 August 2011 @ 15:35 15:35

    Love this one Bob B.

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      25 August 2011 @ 17:45 17:45

      Thanks, Loo.

  2. Adobe Walls permalink
    25 August 2011 @ 19:09 19:09

    Sorry David Brooks can’t recognize let alone admit he’s wrong.

    • M. Thompson permalink
      25 August 2011 @ 22:06 22:06

      You just won this thread.

  3. M. Thompson permalink
    25 August 2011 @ 22:19 22:19

    Amen. By next June, we will know where the Moose haileth from.

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      27 August 2011 @ 13:51 13:51

      And there shall arise a bespectacled lady, astride a cloven moose on the Plains of Bullwinkle, from the wastelands of the North. Let him that hath understanding see the location of the Northern lands: for from the House of the lady, you can see Russia. Rev. 6:1275732.6.

  4. 26 August 2011 @ 00:28 00:28

    Um…….Does the Vicar of Rachel Weisz know if Rachel Weisz is available for private parties?

    This, the Manhattan Infidel must know. If I’m going to lose my life in the Obamapocalypse I want to go out happy.

    • Pope Voluptuosus I permalink*
      27 August 2011 @ 13:42 13:42

      The Pope here…

      Listen, Infidel, I can most certainly arrange it, but Mr. Craig may have a few ‘words’ to speak with you.

  5. 26 August 2011 @ 17:38 17:38

    You know the Obama is just going to keep talking about his bad luck. According to the oracle, it will flyeth not.

    “I smothered the buttocks of the Anointed One and saw not that he was a real ass”

    Whether Brooks will ever have an ‘ah ha!’ moment or not, it was fun to read about it all the same… the tosser.

    • Adobe Walls permalink
      26 August 2011 @ 17:44 17:44

      Obama needs to stop talking about bad luck. Don’t stand next to me in an electrical storm is not a sell-able economic policy.

  6. bobbelvedere permalink*
    27 August 2011 @ 13:40 13:40

    And the Prophet, who is called Stacy, shall journey from the Plains of Other and capture the douche nozzle who is creased; and he shall install the devices on his eyes that were as seeneth in the Clockwork of Orange, and he shall maketh him see that he is a putz and without ‘nads. Rev. 6:20-21.

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