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Raaaaacy* Pics Of Miss USA Contestants Spark Heat

12 May 2010 @ 09:00

Perhaps you have heard about the controversy surrounding pictures taken of the fifty-one Miss USA Pagent contestants in sexy underwear.  Perhaps you have been too busy fighting the forces of evil in Washington.  It occurred to me that the latter is probably true for most of my Friends In The Ether.  Therefore [and selflessly], I took it upon myself this morning to conduct a thorough investigation into the matter.

First, though, some background from the New York Post’s David Li:

Miss USA contestants are letting it all hang out this year!

Vamped up, cleavage-baring beauties — dressed in no more than lacy lingerie or fishnets — are gracing the Web site of the Miss USA pageant, in an eye-popping reversal from the competition’s traditional, homespun look.

Now the girl next door is lucky to have a bra.

The 51 Miss USA wannabes were photographed for their black-and-white “glam” shots last week in Las Vegas by pageant shutterbug Fadil Berisha.

…The Donald said he and other pageant directors had no problems with the panty pictures and approved them before they hit cyberspace.

“I did see the pictures, and obviously, they’re risqué, but I also thought they were very artsy and very beautiful,” Trump said.

My Methods: I spent approximately sixty to ninety seconds looking at each of the fifty-one photographs and judged them based on poise, ability, and talent.  In order to insure my objectivity and clearness of mind, I turned-up the AC to maximum [IYKWIMAITYD].  I also, and this was the toughest sacrifice, abstained from any liquor consumption as I analyzed the photos.

My Conclusion: I am a mere reporter and it would be wrong, just wrong, to let you know my opinion.  Hell, you’re Americans, which means you have your own minds and no one is going to dictate to you what you should think.  Therefore, I will merely direct you to the full set of photographs here and provide some typical examples below.

My Philosophy: I REPORT; YOU DECIDE…

This TCOTS Report was presented as a public service to the men and lesbians of America and in no way implies that Mr. Belvedere, the employees at TCOTS, their families, or Major League Baseball endorse or promote any one contestant over the others…although, Miss Virginia is really, really hot [so is Miss New Hampshire, come to think of it].

___________________________________
* There are five a’s in raaaaacy [see Rule 5.8].

15 Comments
  1. michigan permalink
    12 May 2010 @ 09:58 09:58

    You are an exemplary model for all, Bob. I appreciate your objective post and abstinence during your professional review and report. You are now approved to resume intake of alcohol at your discretion. I am especially thrilled that these images were captured in timeless black and white, instead of passé color. That doesn’t make me a racist, does it?

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      12 May 2010 @ 10:44 10:44

      Thank you for the kind words, but: HOW DARE YOU BE SO DEVISIVE! What about the feelings of Mauve [how would you feel about being labeled ‘passe’? Huh!] You, sir, are a hatemonger and a colorist! Orange is crying uncontrollably and Blue is depressed. Beige is throwing a hissy fit [he’s like that]. Brown is feeling really sh–ty and Red is talking about a Civil Rights lawsuit. Ohhhh the humanity!

      PS: By the way…There are five a’s in raaaaacism!

      • michigan permalink
        12 May 2010 @ 11:24 11:24

        I stand exposed and enlightened. I hang my head in shame of my obvious profiling and insensitivity. I especially apologize to all the chartreuse members of the home decorating color spectrum. I will immediately institute my own affinitive action policies for all colors other than black and white. I will purchase rainbow chewing gum, multi-color Tums, drinking straws and Superman ice cream; but I am still in a bit of a conundrum over white or black wall automobile tires though. Reparations must be in order to rid my self-guilt and obvious colorism.

        • bobbelvedere permalink*
          12 May 2010 @ 11:50 11:50

          That’s a start, pal, just a start. And your payback will never end. CLINGER!

  2. 12 May 2010 @ 10:29 10:29

    Oh!

    Can’t speak.

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      12 May 2010 @ 10:45 10:45

      I left some states for you Irish – this is right up your Hoh River.

  3. 12 May 2010 @ 10:43 10:43

    Bob Belvedere, you beat me to it, you magnificent son of a bitch!

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      12 May 2010 @ 10:47 10:47

      Like I just commented to Irish Cicero: there are plenty of states left [I only used thirteen]. Plenty left for my fellow Rule 5 Mojo Masters to use.

  4. 12 May 2010 @ 11:45 11:45

    This is obviously a bigger threat to the nation than the Teabaggers. I say we petition Nancy Pelosi to outlaw this sort of thing at once. Do it for the children!

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      12 May 2010 @ 11:51 11:51

      Or…romance one of the gals, marry her, and do it to make the children [it will be well worth the trying!].

  5. 12 May 2010 @ 13:02 13:02

    Thank you for trudging through the ditches and other untold unpleasantness to bring this story to us..

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      12 May 2010 @ 13:21 13:21

      You’re welcome. I may write a memoir about it entitled To Heaven And Back.

  6. 13 May 2010 @ 21:16 21:16

    Lord.

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      13 May 2010 @ 22:54 22:54

      Indeed: The Good Lord so loved man he created lingerie.

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