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Rule 5 Saturday [The Cleavage Wars Edition]: WATERLOO

06 March 2010 @ 20:23


The mission of the Allied force was fulfilled at 1815, local time, March 6, 2010.

Final victory was achieved last night when a two-prong offensive under the command of Lt. General Hendricks crushed the last of the silicone redoubts of Kaiser Doug II, Sultan MEHmed Todd, and the pleasantly plump outer barriers of the camp of Comrade Hotsky Trotsky Wysoki [Pictures from the General’s HQ attached below].  They have all withdrawn their forces from the battlefield.  The forces of Marcus Irishicus Cicero, General Richard Mcenröé André Joseph Marie Fullóv de Gaulle, and myself now command the land, sea, cosmetic surgery operating rooms, and air in all theaters of operations.

-My G4 informs me that Kaiser Doug is ensconced in his bunker under the Whoopiestäg Building in Berlin and has provided me with the following picture that was smuggled-out by a deep throated cover agent of ours:

-Sultan MEHmed Todd Al Nooki has reportedly retreated to his harem, where he is trying ease his sorrows in the company of his Rule 5 Saturday women:

The lucky bastard makes out again.

Comrade Trotsky Wysoki has not been seen in public for several days, leading my G4 to speculate that he may have been removed from office by The Politburo or, possibly, he’s shacked-up with the developer of the Kayla Rocket, who happens to be name Kayla.

-General de Gaulle and The Free Beers Forces [Le Trois Bières] are celebrating in the streets of their retaken capital.

-Marcus Irishicus Cicero has returned to Rome at the head of his Legions and been crowned Emperor after the death of Emperor Biggus Dickus.  The triumph in his honor has been delayed because his men are tired from their last offensive, Operation Bishop’s Cudgel.

-Envoy Monica Bellucci, though unsuccessfully in her efforts to broker a peace between the Allies and the Axis, did much to boost the morale of my troops when she shed her neutrality [amongst other things] and joined our side.  I immediately appointed her as my G-Spot and she now happily shares an office with my G2:


– I will be filing an after-action report in the coming days.

-Pictures from the final offensive of the PTO, Operation Barbaboobsa, commanded by Lieutenant General Christina Hendricks:


Launch the final assault, boys.


Surrender NOW!

  1. 06 March 2010 @ 22:02 22:02

    You know the piece de resistance, the all time beat down, the weapon to end (and start) all wars would be a redhead. 😉
    Way to win Bob, no mercy, no surrender!!!!

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      06 March 2010 @ 23:24 23:24

      Didn’t realize you were an actual redhead, Red… everything makes sense. Rock on.

  2. 07 March 2010 @ 11:27 11:27

    I have indeed been off the grid, hanging out with a veritable bevy of cute girls. Eight year olds to be precise. It’s Girl Scout Weekend. My daughter is a Brownie. Her troop sold more than 400 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies yesterday in beautiful downtown Caldwell. Then we went to the special Girl Scouts Mass. Followed by a pizza party.

    The second shift is today, Mom is on cookie patrol and here I am learning that you’ve declared “victory”. I’ll be off in the corner commiserating with Kala.

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      07 March 2010 @ 16:36 16:36

      Glad to see that The Politburo didn’t erase you.

      By the way, those shortbread cookies with the lemon frosting are dangerous.

      • 07 March 2010 @ 16:58 16:58

        I have a case of them left in my car. How many boxes can I put you down for?

        • 07 March 2010 @ 18:20 18:20

          Know of any Thin Mints left? Or anywhere where a lady in Massachusetts can get some Thin Mints (having devoured her two boxes in a few days flat)?

        • 07 March 2010 @ 20:11 20:11

          We are sold out of thin mints! But I might be able to get more. I’m in Jersey though. You could call the girl you bought your 2 boxes from and ask if she can get more. Her “cookie mom” can get them at the local Girl Scouts office.

  3. bobbelvedere permalink*
    07 March 2010 @ 20:41 20:41

    Chris: I must decline your kind offer for the sake of our clothing budget.

    Roxeanne: I talked with Mrs. B. about her supply of Thin Mints and she said ‘She can pry them out my cold, dead hands’. As the ball and chain is half-Sicilian and half-Irish, I would advise you to believe her.

  4. 07 March 2010 @ 23:30 23:30

    Monsieur Belvedere: but this is Massachusetts, and Massachusetts courts might listen to an argument that Girl Scout cookies, like money and health care, are not resources to be hogged, but wealth that should be equitably shared. Thin Mint writ of attachments, coming to a home near you. 😀

    (On a side note, I might be a red-headed fire sign; I might even be a part-Luxembourgian, part-German, part-Irish red-headed fire sign, but coming between Mrs. Belvedere and her Girl Scout cookies just doesn’t sound like a good plan.)

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      08 March 2010 @ 08:27 08:27

      The SJC would probably issue a Mareva Injunction against Mrs. B. and, shortly thereafter, the familes of the SJC members would start turning up dead.

  5. 08 March 2010 @ 02:28 02:28

    Red: Hate to break it to ya, but she’s not a redhead. Not a natural one, anyway.

    • bobbelvedere permalink*
      08 March 2010 @ 08:05 08:05

      1) With any hair color, she would still be okay with me. There’s a classic beauty to the shape and structure of her face and body. The Italian masters would have painted her.

      2) Added you, Deuce, to my version of the blogroll: Fellow DHS-Certified Right Wing Extremists.


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