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08 December 2009 @ 11:42
Stacy McCain on the reality of love and marriage

…Mrs. Other McCain was in my basement office when the news on TV said Tiger had been linked to nine mistresses.

“I swear to God, Stacy, I’d kill you,” she said.

That’s her interpretation of the “forsaking all others . . . ’til death do you part” vow. It’s a multiple-choice thing, see? I can either forsake all others or die. This helps me fend off the desperate advances of all those lovestruck blog groupies out there.

“Please, Miss, you don’t understand, you’d be signing my death warrant, and probably your own, too,” I explain, which usually scares them away. If not, I explain that I’m a father of six, which makes divorce a mathematical impossibility. The child-support alone would ensure that I’d be living in a cardboard box under a bridge until 2024, at which point I’d be eligible for Social Security.

One life, one wife — that’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it. To have a happy marriage, you need to be committed….

Mrs. Other McCain is a softy compared to Mrs. Belvedere [half-Sicilian / half-Irish Catholic].  If I were to do a Woods, Mrs. B. would not kill me.  Nope, not a chance in Hell for that kind of mercy.  She would kill my family, my cats, my friends, my co-workers [not so bad], my mailman, my accountant, my blogger friends, any conservatives I like, and on and on until she was satisfied.  My death, at that point, would be a blessing.  So count your lucky stars McCain: Mrs. Other McCain would let you off easy.

SIDENOTE: The title of Stacy’s posting is: Tiger Woods, ‘graveyard dead’?  If Tiger’s misseus were to off him, I guess you could say that the junkyard dog was graveyard dead.

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