Doomsday Sequesterers – Day One
Here, in the undisclosed TCOTS Tiki Bar & Lounge location, we have just received our first dispatch from a fellow Sequester Prepper, our good friend Jeff ‘The Armadillo’ Goldstein.
It’s lengthy, so we’ll just quote the introduction here. Also, we’re trying to conserve power so that we have enough power for my performance tonight of Great American Songbook tunes [under my stage name: Dino Sinatra], which starts at eleven in the Charlie Callas Room [cover charge: six MRE's or two bottles of booze or the head of a Lefty on a pike].
Promises of snow from earlier in the week never materialized, so we bought a bit of a break on day 1 — early morning patrol of my compound’s perimeter was a rather ordinary affair, visibility being higher than I’d anticipated, and the lack of any precipitation allowing me to walk both the fence line and rooftop in dry boots and clothing. During my patrol I spotted only two potential looters, the pair huddled together near a roadside public transportation bench about 400 yards out, passing back and forth between them documents that I was unable to clearly make out through my scope, though I think it fair to suspect that these were diagrams or maps of the surrounding sub divisions, of which there are 6 in a 3 mile radius. Why they decided to so easily make their intentions known is not for me to say; there are and will be plenty of inexperienced penetration teams now that the sequester has kicked in and commerce, schooling, and transportation have been brought to a GOP-initiated halt, and I suspect that this particular two man team hadn’t done their research, else they would have known from the transportation secretary that public transport will collapse under the strain of draconian budget cuts and civil austerity measures that kick in at the onset of the sequester, making their cover (such as it was) — that of two “businessmen” exchanging “work papers” while “waiting on the light rail” — a poor choice indeed. That is, if no trains are coming, and planes would begin falling out of the sky — and for months that’s all we’ve heard would happen (well, that, and to prep, which thankfully I had a head start on, having already squirreled away about a year’s worth of Pop Tarts and toilet paper before the panic buying began) — affecting a cover identity as an itinerant traveling businessman waiting on public transportation is a dead giveaway that, while it may fool the casual observer who hasn’t yet understood the full depths of what the sequester will bring, couldn’t fool me.
All of which I took into consideration before taking my first shot at the interlopers…
We urge all our fellow Visogoths / Wolverines to click here and read the rest before you have to make the rounds defending your property.
Roger [who ever he is] and out.