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Dear Roxeanne: My Ex Dated a Porn Star

28 February 2013 @ 11:31

Instapundit just informed us that someone on the ‘net thinks advice for women is not nearly the cold, stoic tonic that men get.  Obviously, whomever wrote that nonsense has yet to read Dear Roxeanne.

Today’s Dear Roxeanne comes from a misguided young lady whose lack of guidance prompted her to write to Dear Abby, not Dear Roxeanne.  Here is the young woman’s predicament:

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Doug” (24), and I (22) have been in a long-distance relationship for a year, but we were friends for a couple of years before that. I had never had a serious relationship before and lacked experience. Doug has not only been in two other long-term relationships, but has had sex with more than 15 women. One of them is an amateur porn actress.

I knew about this, but it didn’t bother me until recently. Doug had a party, and while he was drunk he told one of his buddies — in front of me — that he should watch a certain porn film starring his ex-girlfriend. It made me feel awkward. The next day he apologized.

Of course, having learned her name, I couldn’t help myself from searching for her on the Internet. Now I can’t stop comparing myself to her, and I feel intimidated and frustrated.

I have been struggling with how to get over it. Doug has told me many times that he loves me and I believe him. But those stupid, drunken comments really knocked me down. How do I get over my boyfriend’s past? — ECLIPSED BY A “STAR” IN NEW YORK

Abby gave the usual tripe about how the person should be more secure in herself.  I guess if you ignore everyone from Jesus Christ to Ayn Rand who tell you that sexual expression is a matter of morality, you would flap your gums thus. However, the Dear Roxeanne column takes a different approach to life.

Dear “Eclipsed”: your boyfriend decided that in the age of STDs,  which include  herpes, antibiotic resistant gonorrhea, and HIV, that banging a porn star is a smart idea.  In the age of paternity testing and mandatory child support, he thinks that one-night stands are good, clean fun. Not only was it a good idea, he thinks, but he also thinks that it’s a good idea to tell his current girlfriend all about it.  (Those who lambaste conservatives for keeping quiet about sexual indiscretion do not understand that there is value in not flaunting your promiscuity.)  Furthermore, he now wants to relive the joys of screwing the amateur porn actress by watching her tapes.

And he’s not yet your ex-boyfriend?

Only in the most backwards and degenerate of societies are you the problem, Eclipsed.  Would you, even in the most inebriated condition, tell your current boyfriend that you wanted to watch your ex-boyfriend in a porn film?  Would you even date a male porn star? As Charles Murray often says, the failure of the Left is to preach what they practise.  Likewise, you ought to demand in boyfriends the same basic decency, sexual morality, and sense that you have.  That’s not being judgemental; that’s having standards.

You can do better than this dude, quite easily – walk into any bar at closing time; even the lowlifes there would be an improvement.  To borrow a Dan Savage term, DTMFA – dump the mother f— already.  That, not a futile attempt to not compare yourself to Miss Amateur Porn Star while your boyfriend bangs you, shows security and self-respect.

Oh, and get tested. You might have more in common with Miss Amateur Porn that you realise.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. 28 February 2013 @ 20:22 20:22

    Solid advice, per usual, Roxe. Both the gal and the boyfriend are two very screwed-up kids [and I use that word on purpose]. They are the products of our post-modern educational system and deranged culture, where normal is considered weird and the perverse is mainstreamed.

    We’re bloody doomed.

  2. 28 February 2013 @ 22:33 22:33

    “… I can’t stop comparing myself to her.”

    In what sort of world is a porn star a basis for comparison?

    Oh, right. This one. Carry on, then. I suppose low standards are better than no standards at all.

  3. Roxeanne de Luca permalink
    01 March 2013 @ 10:05 10:05

    Calling evil that which is good, and calling good that which is evil… sounds vaguely familiar.

    At least our society used to understand what was good – good morally, good for other people, good for society as a whole. I do not know how young people are supposed to make good decisions when they do not know what decisions are good. We wouldn’t expect diabetics to eat well if we told them that sugar, sodas, doughnuts, and candy were healthy for them, but we magically expect kids to have their lives turn out well without common sense.

  4. 05 March 2013 @ 17:40 17:40

    This is full of Awesomesauce!

  5. 05 March 2013 @ 18:31 18:31

    Some days, there is not enough facepalm in the world.

  6. It's me permalink
    22 March 2013 @ 22:24 22:24

    I understand you. My boyfriend also dated a girl that was in a horrible porn movie. I don’t know how to feel about it, really. The worst part is that of course, I looked for everything I could find about her and she made three videos, he only know of one.
    He also once got drunk and told the story to a friend, not like recommending him to watch her or anything, just like drunk speaking.
    I don’t know how to feel about all this, but I don’t like it.

  7. 11 June 2013 @ 03:41 03:41

    you an email. I’ve received some creative ideas for the weblog you might be interested in hearing. Both way, fantastic blog and I look forward to seeing it improve more than time.|

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