Bottoms Up For A Longer Life
Word comes, via The TrogloPundit, that a new study has found that those who abstain from drinking don’t live as long as those who do imbibe.
From what Lancelot Link Burri reports, moderate drinkers live the longest, followed by heavy drinkers. He has some of the details over at his cave. The researchers are not sure why this is and, as this is a politically incorrect finding, the author of the study apparently tries to blame the results on other factors, socio-economic, etc.
Trog has a good theory:
I prefer the Wildebeest theory. You know: predators pick off the weak and old Wildebeests, thus making the herd stronger as a whole. Moderate alcohol consumption, likewise, picks off the old, weak brain cells. Ditto liver cells, etcetera. Thus making the body, overall, stronger.
Surprisingly this makes sense — I say surprisingly because we are talking about this guy, after all:
As a professional drinker and Dipsomaniac [First-Class], I think it may have to do with the fact that C2H5OH is a preservative — it marinates the organs and pickles them, thus making them resistant to ravages of time.
Perhaps I can obtain some stimulus cash [O-Dough as Smitty calls it] and study in depth the long-term effects of this stimulant on the organs of, oh, say, Ann Margret and Sophia Loren, IYKWIMAITYD?
This is something we can all get behind.
B y the way, has anybody seen my beer?
“Bottoms up” is something “we can all get behind”? How cheeky!
Damn, I saw the headline and thought rule#5…….Heh.
Randy: Working on Hump Day right now.
Looks like the fellow pictured works in a morgue or, what is the same thing, a meat cutting room … ?
A cafeteria?
Maybe a weapons lab … ?
Zoltan: You don’t wanna know.